Fours and a half years ago I joined my dad at hospital in London as he made the decision on how to fight the cancer that had recently been discovered. Following an anxious hour, we left positive with the choice and treatment ahead (he is currently still in remission
It was standing in a fancy dress shop in front of a row of Werewolves 50m from our flat, I felt a fluttering I daren't admit to myself was the start of another little-human-arrival. (the 36 hour onslaught of number one; I was sure was partly due to my nervous excitement and inability of fully relax). I knew it was though, so I did what I had spent the last 4 months frantically reading about: nothing but relax. I went home, put my feet up and watched Sex and The City and Homes Under The Hammer, I didn't message anyone and went to collect my toddler from nursery and put him in the bath when I sent a short text telling my husband to not be late. By the time he got home to read the rugrat a bedtime story things had got strong so I hid in the sitting room with 'Dances with Wolves', 'Out of Africa'and 'Born Free' blasting out of the laptop. I messaged a dear friend who had offered to babysit her godson in this event and she was at the door within an hour. We arrived at hospital at 10pm, my husband ushering me towards the maternity ward, embarrassed that I was howling in front of the lone cleaner ..... he got a 'I am having a fucking baby, you twit'.... which I was.
Within 15 mins of entering the maternity ward, I stood in awe at the tiny human I held between my legs. The world stopped. A beautiful, calm and sweet little boy to swell my brimming heart. The pride, the joy and the euphoria are indescribable. And so Freddie was here and he has been making me proud and joyous and challenged ever since.
My memory is so often wretched and frustrating, I can't remember conversations I had last week, this morning even. Yet I could take you back to 28th October 2014 and tell you with finite detail - every second that passed.
It is one of my 3 greatest achievements, indelible on my heart and soul.
Thank you Freddie for helping make me who I am today, warts and all.
Love you darling boy x
