Sunday, 6 March 2016

Roll on the Spring




Ahh February has been a quiet month - of sorts. Rarely a blog. Barely a thought beyond clearing, sorting and packing 10 years of London living (it's a phenomenon how much can be crammed into such a small space and how rarely I ever used that Kenwood Mutlipro food processor that was still crusted in pumpkin soup from 2009). It's been all the more fun with a 1 year old, 2.5 year old and - 6 month old in tow.

A particularly favourite day was last Tuesday when Fred was evidently still not over his first bout of Norovirus. We couldn't hide in the flat forever (tempting as it was given the Baltic front engaging the UK this month) and the doc had said he was not contagious anymore - so what's the worst that could happen?

 A trip to the local supermarket affiliated with John Lewis. Buggy laden with ready meals (by this point and only 5 days prior to Move Day I can't be arsed to cook anything, possibly ever again), cleaning products and chocolate - off to master the self check out. The eldest is mid asking the one-bloody-hundredth 'why/what/how/when/where' question regarding an air conditioning unit in the ceiling which I am finding impossible to answer or explain. 'Air?' 'Well it's what you breathe and whilst you can't see it'- saved by a vomit interjection from Fred. Reflexes of a cat ensure I catch the projectile puréed pear and cornflake bile soup in a perfect cup of my hands. Nice. I am bent over desperately ensuring no puke seepage, trying to bat off the tirade of questions and comments from my inquisitor about why I am in this predicament and flailing my leg behind me to try and get an assistants attention. I often look ridiculous but this takes it to another level. Holding the contents of my child's stomach in my hands, a running commentary from the other, kicking my leg behind me like a knackered old mare with a spasm,  the self check-out kindly demanding I 'swipe another item or pay' I am stuck to the spot. Just prior to getting the assistants attention a famous TV chef walks past raising his eyebrows and possibly smirking. 

A pre-tea time trip to the Household Waste Recycling Centre. This is/was a MUCH revered destination - loud noises, big containers, huge machinery, rubbish..... And a satisfying sense of life spring cleaning for mummy (there have been no questions on where the enormous plastic self revolving, singing ball with flashing lights amongst other migraine-inducing culprits have slipped off to..). Post dump, having shedded the last of our unwanted items with the promise of pasta and hot cross buns in the air my cherubs giggle at each other behind me. Ahhhhh life isn't too shabby, the boys have been quiet for 12 minutes, learning about recycling and watching mummy throw big plastic bags into huge metal containers and now they are enjoying each others company rather than poking or wrestling. Then I over hear a snippet of  the conversation taking place. 'Lets play SPITTING!!' Followed by more laughter and a torrent of raspberries/misty spray across the back of my neck, then more laughter which, apparently on a young sensitive stomach is enough to invoke another episode of spasmodic vomiting. 

Roll on temperatures above 4oC, hours spent running around outside not desperately hiding in buildings and vehicles to avoid frostbiten fingers, and hopefully a little less puke 

Sunday, 17 January 2016

Dear London, thank you.. Part 3






London. You're vibrant, eclectic, bustling. You have eateries and  drinkeries for every cultural and financial whim. You are the host with the most......

I am no AA Gill (do love a morning Bloody Mary though) nor Giles Coran or any esteemed connoisseur but I like food and drink... And a dance. London dishes it out and sloshes it down your throat in a multitude of brilliant guises - all on the doorstep. That; I will miss.    

Mien Tay - 40m from the sofa. Traditional Vietnamese; salt and pepper squid, goat curry, a heap of morning glory (!) washed down with a basic bottle of red plonk. Parenting advice and jestful banter with charismatic Fung (he once had to wake the man of the house up before he plunged head first into his hot and sour soup so I am especially fond and and grateful) change from £50 and bed by 9.30pm. Done. 

Sushi Samba - sort of take up smoking for the evening just for the fabulous terrace (same goes for Shoreditch House). Incredible black cod. Dizzy views. Buzzing. Pricey but special. Ding.

Champers, Scott's, Pizza East, Hakkasan, The Cinnamon Club, Terroirs, Bunga Bunga, Bob Bob Ricard, Tiroler Hut, Babble, Gazette, J Sheeky, Piano Bar, Finos, The Dairy. It's endless. A few hazy but wonderful memories. 

On these excursions through your meandering, electric, maze of pubs, clubs and grubs........... what subconsciously delights me  is the simple anonymity you afford us all. 

Not once have I seen one of the blurry faces from darkandstormygate in Sugar Cane of November 2015. Vague recollections of swinging from the balcony 'oozing' sex appeal and rhythm and jiving with a 60 year old pianist from Hong Kong then stumbling into a game of poker in the basement and offering unwelcome advice (because I once played cards in 1992) whilst tripping into their table of cigars and accidentally flashing my knickers. Not to mention the blurrier less mentionable episodes that pepper 2005 to date. When you can't remember it, it didn't happen and those who are there will invariably never see you again. 

You see; once we have eaten in one of the 2 restaurants in the 10 mile radius for the 50th time and move on to the only half decent pub within stumbling distance - dominated the juke box and pool table ..... I don't think I will be able to slip into the shadows after a gin fest or one too many ciders. It scares me a little (lot). Everyone knows everyone and people talk and watch and talk. So many advantages to 'village life' I am sure and look forward to but my days of flippancy after a few too many martini espressos (shandies in the Barley Mow) are about to end. 

Thank you London, the host with the most that makes my drunken (alter) ego a ghost.

X

Tuesday, 24 November 2015

Dear London, thank you... Part 2


Battersea Park.

It's green, there are no cars. In all seriousness, this enclave has a wealth of attractions for everyone, not just me and my mini WWF competitors. 

The Zoo. Unpretentious, an abundance of South American mammals (no darling that's not a pig it is a CA PY BA RAH), a brilliant play area, sand pit and FIRE ENGINE.

The 'adventure playground'. Beneath  the swinging bridges of 'go ape', next door to the new mini-golf centre (great pizzeria/cafe). There are 4 separate play zones with swings, slides, pirate ships, tree houses. The mobile coffee shack is invariably within screaming distance and every few visits you're guaranteed to see a celeb or royalty.

The Peace Pagoda. Tranquility adjacent to the river. The steps up made for great 'buggy fitness' equipment back in summer 2011 as Henry and Idris cooed at leaves in the breeze.

The Pump House Gallery. Never been but have intended to on a number of occasions. Exhibitions, workshops, film screening, funky party venue. Cultural tick.

The Prince Albert. Great boozer, good food, nice wall paper.

The list is endless....Affordable Arts Fair, running club, boating lake, fountains, sub tropical garden, cricket pitches, cafes (that sell alcohol too).

I have a rich tapestry of memories threaded through Battersea Park:

Christmas Parties at Battersea Evolution (think The Moosevirt meets Starlight Express, meets Casino Royale) of 2008, 09 and maybe 10. I was so skantily clad I may as well have been naked, threw jäger down my neck and am pleased I can't quite remember how much of a tit I made of myself.

Race For Life and Landaid 5kms;  every year. PBs were made and Paula Radcliffe was beaten, I shit you not.

Shoulder dislocation attending one of only 3 highly regarded 'Andy's Military Fitness'.... Can't think why that one hasn't taken off.

A brief sojourn into club hockey saw a season for the 'Battersea Wanderers' and winter training 8-10pm on Wednesdays, miss it, not. 

First sports day as a parent. The eldest screamed, ran in the wrong direction, was visibly upset and clearly too young to be forced to try and enjoy (and win) the mini competitions set up for him. The youngest rolled around on the rug next to the medals and sausages stealing produce whenever no one was looking. That child is going to go far. Mummy and daddy won the egg and spoon and simple running race, worth leaving work 2 hours early.

Great place. If it's not too big a journey (less than 30 mins). GO. I do know most London Parks are similarly fabulous so pick your closest because a journey can be the ruin of an outing.

#thankyoulondon.





Thursday, 19 November 2015

Dear London, I thank you .. Part 1




As ever, whence a chapter of life comes towards an end - despite one wanting/urging it to.....Pangs of nostalgia start knocking at the door - literally.

Over the coming days and weeks I will write small thank you notes to our fine Capital City for the sanctuary it has given us over the years (mainly the last 2.5). A property is not sold until it's sold so these may very well continue to pepper my weeks and months for some time but herewith are some of the absolute saviours to my sanity. #ThankyouLondon

FOR........

1. The Science Museum/Natural History museum.

This combo is a MUST. The bus ride is an event in itself. Tick.

The Science museum's water-feature-interactive-learning-toy is epic, the stuffed animals in the NHM are awesome. The Blue Zone is taxidermed to the hilt. The cost is beautiful. We glide through the Hintze hall, air kissing the diplodocus and linger by the Climate Change Wall pretending that the boys really understand ecology and care about the litter issue in our oceans. It feels good. Mummy has caffeine and the lads eat home made sandwiches and share an extraordinarily reasonably priced pesto pasta in the cafe in the full knowledge our own over-used cafe (the kitchen) is avoiding an absolute beating for once. This place makes me very happy. There are rockets, space craft, cars, engines, planes, animals, skeletons and noise. There are sections where very clever people do research on how to preserve and make our planet a better place. Yes it might get busy but - no matter the tantrum (blissfully rare with all the wonder to enjoy) it just fades into the busy hum drum of tourism and learning.

Sans children go to the Wildlife Photographer of the Year Exhibition, sup on mulled wine in that festive and fun looking bar, glide across the ice rink and spend a while sifting through the prints and books in the gift shop.

NHM = all time favourite peice of architecture inside and out.

You make me happy

Yours (for EVER)

Potty Potty Mouth xx


P.s I am not totally tight, I do donate generously every few outings
     


Wednesday, 18 November 2015

The Game of Life



I've been away for a bit, mentally. My mind has been in a thick fog of dejection, I haven't thought of anything funny to write that doesn't seem extraneous nor anything with depth that doesn't seem wrought with despair. Oh THE DRAMA......

You see, I have been replaying in my mind the oft-mulled query of what we are actually 'doing here'. I have come to a conclusion; don't stop and question for too long because I am not sure there's an answer. So - just grasp at the fun, relish in the enjoyment and happiness - be kind but also a little selfish. This is not a dress rehearsal people.


Life is not simple, it's not easy - we trudge through our seemingly minute daily struggles all the while looming above are the game changers, the likes of: disease, disaster, terrorism and those big buggers tend to stealth-pounce without discrimination. They seamlessly tear a chasm of fear and heartbreak and wreak havoc in the jolly journey of life. These things make us vulnerable. We should carry on, take the fun of life by the horns and thrust it into overdrive because the Big bad buggers are random and reckless and can strike at any time.


I have switched my 'what world have I brought my children into' worry button off, I ripped the whole knob away, so I can't default back to a quick panicked press. Worry, my friend, you're a largely wasteful emotion. I get your purpose to an extent, you keep us in check, you keep us 'real' but there ought to be a limit because we need to LIVE and enjoy and laugh. Yes we all have our own responsibilities and plans for future health and wealth and enjoyment but don't forget to flaming well LIVE. 


When faced with all these unpredictable horrors life can present, when appreciating our vulnerability, we realise how very much we have to lose.... and gain. Hold on to the preciousness of friends and family and fun and intellect and cherish it! Goodness I sound like a prat.... but I mean it all.


For now I will nurture the new(ish) little beings of the household into happy, kind, good, intelligent, peaceful people that will take on this world with a remarkable glowing force..... and I will smile and giggle a lot along the way. 


I think I might take up street dancing too.